What do you do when you are lost?
The smart thing to do would probably be to ask for directions, but if you are a man, like me, you usually try to figure things out on your own. I get you. You don’t have to explain why you do it. It’s just how we’re hardwired: we want to solve things on our own and asking for help feels too much like a failure. I know it all too well.
But it’s probably smart to ask for directions if you’re lost on your roadtrip though. Same thing goes for when we are lost in life. And lost we are.
Just like in that roadtrip, we avoid asking for directions, and we end up going around in circles, getting nowhere, moving out of inertia and wasting time and energy. We could save ourselves a lot of trouble if we were to just drop the pride, accept that we are lost, and ask.
I am convinced most men are lost simply because they refuse to face the truth and accept the fact that they are drifting. It’s much easier to overload your mind with cheap dopamine, numb it with pointless entertainment, and avoid facing the questions that will arise in silence. This is why so many are deeply afraid of being alone, of the silence of isolation: when a man is alone he is forced to take a look inward (unless he decides to simulate company by scrolling TikTok and watching Netflix). Deep down, we all know that when quiet and alone, deep questions will start to arise, and most use this knowledge to justify their endless rush, never wanting to face these terribly difficult inquiries.
Unknowingly, what they are actually doing is shutting God off. God doesn’t speak, He whispers. And it takes a lot of silence to hear Him.
Instead of postponing that dreaded moment when you’ll be forced to confront the difficult questions of life, I want to encourage you to actively and courageously look inside your soul and ask these questions that will slowly help you find your way in the world. The alternative? To spend a life running from them, living in darkness until they catch you, unprepared, and turn your life upside down. It’s better for this reckoning to happen voluntarily, early, instead of it coming unannounced after you have devoted decades to the wrong path.
Now, asking the tough, important questions doesn’t mean the answers will come straight away. But the act of simply asking is enough to open a direct communication channel with God, so He can start, at His own perfect pace, showing you the answers. The answers will start coming out from your own soul, and they will show you the path. After that, all that’s left is to obey, be disciplined, and stick to the path God has nudged you into going.
In no specific order, ask yourself these questions, and take some time to consider the answers thoroughly.
Who do I want to be?
The image of the man you want to be will be your guiding light, your ideal destination, the unattainable point that will give your actions a clear purpose and intention. Only after you’ve built a clear mental image of the man you want to be, of the virtues you’ll live by, will the fog clear and the path appear. You need to know where you are heading before you start walking there.
Who does God want me to become?
It’s definitely important to think about who you want to be, but even more importantly, you need to start asking what it is that God wants from you and who He wants you to become. This will serve to purify your intention, to make sure that the future identity you are pursuing is not driven mainly out of selfish or worldly desires, but is actually compatible with God’s plan for you in this world.
What sets my soul on fire?
Or, what makes you come alive? Most men never ask themselves this and end up living a purposeless, cold life as a consequence. The antidote to this is finding your own unique vocation and living a life aligned with God’s plan for you. Think about those things that made you feel alive as a kid, about your natural interests and inclinations. Those are usually good indicators, and they point the way broadly. Don’t shy away or ignore those interests. This is no small matter. This is literally about finding your calling, the thing that will align your path with the one God wants for you. Don’t get caught up in what’s sensible or rational, ask honestly and answer honestly.
Who do I want to keep in my life?
It’s not enough to just think about who you want to be, you also need to consider who you’ll bring along for the journey. There comes a point in any man’s life in which he must intentionally choose who he wants by his side. Many lack the courage required to drop toxic friendships built upon old identities, and end up being dragged down by them. As part of the process of becoming a new self, you must understand some people will resonate with that new identity and vocation you are pursuing, and some won’t. Ask yourself who you see walking with you, and make a point to include them more into your life.
What virtues am I lacking?
It takes a big man to look at himself in the mirror and compare his current self with the man he’s trying to become. This takes courage because it will force you to face your inadequacies and accept all the flaws you have. It will show you how long the way ahead is. And that is scary and very often painful. But unless you can face this truth, you will never see your blindspots, and you will never know where to shift your focus. If you realize you are impatient, you can know to work on developing the virtue of patience. Awareness precedes change and improvement, and the willingness to face the truth precedes awareness.
What sins are enslaving me?
Again, awareness as to what sins and vices are holding you back from becoming that man God wants you to become is critical. You will realize when you ask yourself this that there are many, many things that have a tight hold on your soul, many more than you might initially think. Things as simple as entertainment, sports, trash food, alcohol, partying, and so on can be distracting you from your purpose entirely. Be honest when asking and be honest when answering, and you’ll shine light on those things you need to keep under control in order to avoid wasting your life away chained by sins and vices.
Whenever you can, set aside some time, leave your phone away, sit down in silence with a pen and notebook, and write these questions down. Then, attempt to answer them as honestly as you can. Write the answers down. Let your soul roam freely, don’t let your won expectations decide the answers. Throughout the entire exercise, keep your heart open to the Lord, so He can guide you and instruct you. When you ask, God answers. But you need to be genuinely interested in hearing the answers.
There is nothing more terrible than a man who spends his entire life lost, simply because he never had the courage to stop for a second and think about where he’s going. Face the truth willingly, for only after withstanding the necessary pain of facing your own inadequacies will you be free to walk towards a path of joy, fulfillment, and purpose.
Thank you for reading!
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God bless you,
Simple Man
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