I had a long-term girlfriend some years ago. She was a great girl, we were together for a few years and I remember her fondly. Things didn’t work out and after a long period of heavy discussions and us hurting each other, I decided it was best for both of us to break up. It wasn’t easy at all because we both cared for each other, and because sometimes we are dumb, I made the whole breakup process even more difficult by behaving very poorly after the fact.
A few years have passed, and I can now see it’s quite common for men to be completely lost after a breakup. I’ve seen it in my friends, in the men I’ve met through Simple Men, and it’s a clear cultural thing: men do not know how to get over a breakup in a healthy way. Most fall into degeneracy and sin, in a desperate effort to numb their senses and avoid the pain of loneliness. This just damages them even further, and ironically makes it more difficult for them to get over the girl they broke up with.
There’s a proper way to act after a breakup, and it’s not letting your lower self take over and condemn your soul to eternal damnation because you’re “sad”.
Here are my top 7 do’s and don’ts for men who are getting over a breakup.
7.
DO ✅
Perform a thorough examination of conscience → You need to take a moment to look back at your actions throughout the relationship and think about the things you could’ve done better. This is best done early after the breakup. The goal of this is not to become nostalgic, sad or feel guilty, but rather extract the necessary lessons from the relationship that will allow you to be a better man for the right woman when she comes. If you do not do this, you’ll keep falling into the same patterns and making the same mistakes over and over again.
DON’T ⛔
Reminisce over the good times → Unless it’s as part of your examination of conscience, mulling over the good times you shared together will just cause you more pain than necessary. It will come a time when you’ll be able to remember some memories fondly without them hurting your emotional state or present decisions, but the time right after you’ve broken up is not the right one to be doing this. Look at the relationship rationally, without falling into “sadness-porn”, in which you voluntarily remember good memories in order to feel sorry for yourself.
6.
DO ✅
Make it definitive → If you broke up, that’s it. There was probably a good reason for it, whether it was your decision, hers, or a mutual agreement. It’s important to commit to the decision you made, to avoid prolonging an already long and difficult process. It’s very rare that a relationship works on the second try. It can happen, but as a general rule once a breakup happens, it’s best to make sure it’s definitive. There are of course, exceptions to this —usually a long time has to go by so that both you and her have enough time to mature and grow—, but you are probably not one of them. Up to you to decide, but in my experience, it’s best to break it up cleanly and definitely.
DON’T ⛔
Be indecisive and selfish → As the man, you are tasked with being bold and decisive, and not performing this role leads to people being hurt. I promise you, you don’t want to be the guy that strings a girl along out of weakness, keeps getting back with her only for them to end again. It’s selfish to be indecisive. If the choice has been made, stick to it. Do it for her sake, if not for yours.
5.
DO ✅
Be graceful → Maintain your poise throughout the breakup process. Be respectful and polite with her and be graceful when responding when people ask you what happened. A gentleman is a gentleman always, regardless of whether he got betrayed and hurt. Many men use their sadness as an excuse to lose their temper and behave like immature boys. Real men feel the pain too, but don’t let it turn them resentful, bitter and disgraceful.
DON’T ⛔
Trash her → Very often after a breakup, both parties start badmouthing the other one, in an effort to make the process easier (it’s easier to not feel a sense of loss if you convince yourself that your ex was a piece of trash). A bigger man is the one who avoids talking poorly about his ex, even if she did something wrong or inmoral. It’s not a good look and it makes you seem sore and hypocritical, because at the end of the day, you did spend years of your life with someone who you now claim is a piece of sh*t —so what does that say about you and the company you choose to keep?
4.
DON’T ⛔
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