How To Get Through Hard Times

To be a man is to endure the constant ups and downs of life with an unbroken spirit.

I was going through a bit of a rough patch some months ago. Nothing too serious, thankfully, but still, there were some far from ideal circumstances that happened: stress at work, busy times, issues with some close people, and all in all a general feeling of uneasiness, uncertainty, and lack of control. This meant that my routine was all over the place, and I hadn’t been able to train, lift, read, or write as much as I would've wanted.

I don't normally share much about my personal life in this blog, I know. And what I do share tends to be mostly positive. But I'm human, after all, flawed just as much as the next guy, and my life is far from perfect. In that challenging time, I thought long and hard about what a man can do to successfully navigate the not so glamorous periods of life, and I found a couple of things that can help any man fight back when the going gets tough and outlast those difficult times that will come at some point.

Take a Break

What usually happens when life overwhelms us is that we begin to overthink and let our minds drive us to anxiety. We jump from issue to issue, thinking about ten things at once, not knowing how to start bringing back some order into our lives. There seems to be trouble coming from every direction, and we fall victim to the onslaught of stress with seemingly no way to stop it.

I’ve found it invaluable to simply remember to breathe, stop for a second, and remember: It’s all good. God is in control.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is stop trying and just rest. Sometimes you need to regain perspective and remember that the things you’re stressing over are not as critical as you think, but you won’t see this when you’re caught up in them.

You won't get anything fixed while anxious and overstressed. Make a conscious choice to give yourself some free time to breathe, relax, and think about more pleasant stuff. Then, you can break down and separate all of the things that are causing you to be preoccupied, so that you can solve them one at a time.

This Too Shall Pass

In the middle of the storm, I know it's hard to look at the big picture and remember the fleeting nature of most mundane problems. But I'd recommend you always keep in mind that this too shall pass.

No circumstance, however terrible, lasts forever. What you're losing sleep over right now you will most likely not even remember in a few months, and if you do, it’ll seem unimportant and not worth stressing over.

You might as well not subject your sanity, and your mental and physical health, to something that won't mean a thing in the not too distant future.

The Big Picture

It's funny that the things that stress us the most are usually petty when viewed as part of the big picture. Most of the things that cause us to stress and feel anxious are pretty much irrelevant. There are very few things that truly matter in the world, but it’s easy to forget this when we get caught up in the fast-paced routines of modern life.

You're under pressure at work? That doesn't determine your professional future. You had an argument with your girlfriend? That doesn't determine the strength of your relationship. You haven't been able to find time to do the things you enjoy doing? That doesn't mean it will be that way forever. Visualize the future you're working towards, and evaluate if the troubles you're experiencing are not simply a natural part of process of growth. If they are not, and you find yourself stressing over things that add literally zero value to you or your life goals, you can always change your circumstances.

Take Back Control

I mentioned lack of control as one of the reasons why I was been stressing out lately. And it’s definitely difficult to deal with circumstances that you knwo are outside of your control. But there is in accepting such situations great peace, when you realize some things are yours to control and some things aren’t.

You are in control of many things in your life, and there is freedom in realizing that you have a choice, and you are no slave to your circumstances. But that understanding needs to come with a very important counterpart, which is realizing that above your own will is God’s will, and above the things you can control, there’s God’s plan for you, which of course you cannot control.

Seeking to be in control of everything leads to anxiety and stress. Some things just aren’t up to you. So the best advise I can give you here is: learn to recognize which things you can and should try to change, and which things aren’t yours to decide. Additionally, pray that God aligns your will with His, and pray that He gives you the wisdom to recognize which is the path you should be following.

I wrote another article breaking down the question of control for men of faith, to help you learn how to reconcile our autonomy and free will with the fact that God is the one ultimately in control of our lives. You can read it here:

Get Some Wins

When things aren't going your way, one of the best ways to get your life back on track is to simply get back on the win column. Let me explain.

All of the areas of a man's life are interconnected, which means that usually they all either go up or down together. When one of them suffers, it tends to make the others suffer as well. In order to stop the vicious cycle of stress and failure, a good strategy is to get some wins. For example, I said I didn't feel as though things were going my way, at work, mostly. But I still have my personal creative project, which is this blog. So I worked and got some wins in this area: I reached 100.000 thousand followers on Instagram, published my book about Christian Masculinity, and started selling it to the public. That's a win. I also finished a book I was reading. That's another win. I called my grandma, who I'm blessed to still have around. That's another win. I learnt a new move in JiuJitsu. That’s another win. And all of a sudden, some of the L's I'd taken over the last couple of weeks didn't seem all that powerful. They just seemed like a normal part of life. The wins I mention don't have to be big wins, just small achievements that allow you to remember that you're doing good, that you are moving forward and becoming better, and that you have countless things to be thankful of.

Pray

It’s an undeniable fact that the closer you are to God, the better your life is and the better you feel. Prayer also helps us remember the insignificance of our issues in the grand scheme of things. It minimizes their importance when we remember what Jesus Christ endured for us, and when we pray we remember that God, in His omnipotence, placed on our shoulders a burden that He knows we can carry. If you don't know where to start, start with Him. Surrender your intentions to Him, and He will surely answer. Here’s a helpful prayer for you to try:

Tough times come and go, and all they leave behind is a stronger man. Remember that you can always endure what you're going through, for you've been put on that path by the grace of God's infinite wisdom.

Also, we're all going to make it.

God bless you,

Simple Man