Think about the most despicable man you can.
How does he behave? What does he believe? How does he think?
I like performing this exercise frequently, because it allows me to paint a mental picture of the man I cannot be, under any circumstances. Thinking about the worst possible man helps me avoid becoming him. Whenever I think of him —the worst possible version of myself—, I realize how easy it is to fall into the temptations and proclivities that would lead me, slowly, to become just like him. And then it becomes clear how important it is to make a conscious effort every single day to embody virtues and values that directly oppose those character traits that make a man, for lack of a better word, despicable.
I’ve been thinking about this for some years now, observing not only the behaviors of the men around me but also my own, trying to come up with a list of character traits that make a man dishonorable and repulsive to everyone around him. These are traits that are never acceptable, and traits that signal a deep lack of virtue and grace. Here are 8 dangerous character traits and behaviors you are to avoid at all costs if you want to live a joyful, virtuous, rich and meaningful life as a man.
1. Dereliction — The shameful failure to fulfill one's obligations.
A man is tasked with leading his life, home, and community. A necessary trait for proper leadership is accountability, and a solid commitment to tending to one’s field. Men in the twentieth century do all they can to avoid taking any kind of responsibility, and they never mature properly as a consequence.
Not fulfilling your obligations is failing as a man. Even worse is looking for someone else to blame to avoid the necessary shame that comes when you do not do what you’re supposed to. You’ve probably come across men who were like this, and I would be willing to bet they are not people you enjoy having around.
A man is meant to carry his own cross with full ownership, and even more, he’s called to help others carry theirs. He’s not meant to manipulate others into carrying his burden.
2. Stinginess — A lack of generosity; a general unwillingness to part with money.
Stinginess is not only pretty repulsive because it signals scarcity, but most importantly, because it shows a deep lack of faith. Stingy men are directly forgetting God’s role in being the ultimate provider for our lives.
Of course it’s important to work hard, be financially responsible, and try to improve your economic status as a Christian man. I’ve written about that before. But some men take this too far and end up being stingy and cheap, and becoming slaves to their finances, incapable of ever spending their money on anything, even on those things that can bring them healthy enjoyment. Even worse, it’s impossible to be generous if you’re stingy —they’re literally opposites. Generosity is a critical virtue to possess as a man, as it shows you are capable of provision and protection, and is a sign of a virtuous and faithful spirit.
3. Despondency — Low spirits from loss of hope or courage.
Again, letting yourself become despondent and hopeless is a betrayal to your faith. God calls us to be bearers of light, and to be joyful and faithful even in suffering. A hopeless man cannot bring any light into the world, moreover, a hopeless man serves as an agent of the darkness, spreading it around and helping it grip more and more souls.
A man is supposed to be a rock in the middle of the storm, providing stability and support for those around him. If he lets himself fall into despair, he will crumble, and those he loves won’t have anyone to hold on to. They will look up and see no light.
You need to maintain high spirits, hope, optimism, and faith, throughout it all.
4. Ressentiment — A psychological state resulting from suppressed feelings of envy and hatred.
Ressentiment is a dangerous emotion that, when left unchecked, will slowly poison your soul. It stems from feelings of inferiority and powerlessness, and it is particularly unfit for a man because it breeds bitterness and a victim mentality, making it impossible for you to develop the virtues of strength, courage, and self-respect that are essential to being a man.
Instead of confronting challenges with integrity and resilience, a man consumed by ressentiment chooses to blame everyone else for his troubles and develops an unhealthy fixation on perceived wrongs, always trying to justify his own inadequacies by claiming they are someone else’s fault.
A masculine man thrives on accountability, growth, and the pursuit of virtue, all of which are stifled by the corrosive nature of ressentiment.
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