Casual Sex Empties Your Soul
A case for chastity.
Abstaining from casual sex seems to be the last thing holding many men back from surrendering their lives to God. I know this was the case for me. And I know so many men who try to follow The Lord faithfully when it comes to every other commandment, law, and way of living, but make thousands of excuses to try and justify their lustful ways. This is not me judging them or looking down on them from my high horse. I’m not blaming them either. Society has done a great job in poisoning our minds, hypersexualizing us and assigning way too much importance to sex in the life of a single man. It’s tough to go against this programming. But it’s incredibly necessary. Casual sex and sexual immorality is one of the toughest things a man needs to fight against, before he can truly and honestly claim he is trying to pursue sanctity. What matters most, as always, is not succeeding in living a chaste life —although this is very important too—, but rather having the intellectual and spiritual honesty necessary to reject sexual immorality within your heart, and do your very best to abstain from it.
Thanks, Red-Pill Gurus
Red pill gurus are in no small part responsible for the problem of over-sexualization of relationships and of sexual immorality as a whole, at least on the side of the men. Women are being misled too, by mainstream music, TV shows, and feminist agendas. Men, on the other hand, are being misled by online gurus and “super alpha males” who claim the main thing that determines the value of a man is his body count. I don't care what you've heard, a man of real value doesn't go around sleeping with whoever he can. These gurus are very good at delivering judgement and shaming women for being sexually inmoral, while hypocritically racking up their own body counts with random low-value girls they find at whatever rancid club they happen to be in that weekend. They use “biology” to justify their own actions, and still claim to deserve a virtuous woman for when eventually they get tired of sleeping around.
But the rules God made apply to us all. God is above biology. So even if our biological build is different, and even if, as a man, you might be biologically drawn to polygamy, there is a law that stands above that desire, one that very clearly says what these gurus willfully ignore: one woman for one man. To see sex for the gift that it is, and save it for someone worthy.
My Own Experience
I chose to remain chaste almost two years ago, after mistakenly following the path of the red pill for years. While I always maintained a certain standard for sexual encounters, I still sinned repeatedly and let lust get the best of me. It was precisely after one of these occasions that I made the decision to change my ways, and surrender myself to God fully.
I felt terribly guilty. At that time, I already claimed to be a Catholic. But I wasn’t really living how a Christian man should. For me, choosing chastity was a big change. I think that night was the first time I genuinely chose to give my entire life to God. No more excuses, no more justifications, no more picking and choosing what rules to follow. I decided to go all-in.
It has been by far one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life. When you close the door to sexual immorality you immediately realize how much time and energy you were wasting pursuing the wrong thing. Better yet, this allows you to switch your focus towards the things that actually matter: God, your mission, your family. It’s very easy for a young man to misuse his fire and energy and waste it all pursuing women. When you close that door, you are free to use it how you actually should: to develop yourself into the man God wants you to become.
Plenty Of Other Things To Be Doing In Your Twenties
It’s shocking to see how much importance we have assigned to casual sex for young men. It’s not an exaggeration to say that the vast majority of men let this be the main guiding factor of their decisions. Their entire lives circle around “getting laid”. And this, obviously, means they will not pursue other, more meaningful things.
There is so much more you could be doing with your time and energy. The problem is that sexual desire is a strong driving force. I get that. But that does not mean you should let it control and guide your life. You should instead try to redirect that drive towards more meaningful pursuits, aka, building yourself.
All that drive can be transmuted into creative energy, if you close the door to casual sex and make a conscious choice to shift your focus elsewhere. With this newfound energy you can begin new creative projects, pursue serious physical development, develop your spirituality… there are endless options, but you’ll only be able to give them enough effort if you remove from your pursuits that of casual sex.
It’s a Net Negative
Casual sex is not only not good, it’s actively bad. It’s not neutral and meaningless. It’s meaningfully damaging to your self-worth, your ability to create deep bonds with a partner and your spiritual health. There is no upside to this, other than the fake but tempting approval other lost men will give you.
And I know gurus and fake masculine men will try to come at me for saying this, but a man that can't abstain from sex and is constantly looking for an easy woman to sleep with is nothing more than a glorified gigolo, and eventually the spiritual consequences of all these casual encounters will become apparent. He will start viewing everything through the lens of sex and it’ll be more difficult for him to commit to just one woman.
How Much Do You Value Yourself?
Listen, sex is a deeply intimate thing. It should be reserved for a woman that deserves you. If you go around sleeping with every low-value woman you can get your hands on, what does that say about you?
Who gets access to you is a good indicator of how valuable YOU are. Are you really that easy? Is the bar really that low?
The Key Is “Voluntary”
Now, to clarify: you should be able to attract sexual interest from women. You should strive to become a highly valuable and attractive man. But this doesn't mean that you should engage in casual sex. It means you should be desired but strong enough to save your deepest self for a woman who deserves you.
It also doesn't mean you should lock yourself up in your basement and become so undesirable that you have no other choice but to become an incel. Many use chastity as an excuse to justify their lack of sexual value. But the point you want to get to is to become a very attractive man, who voluntarily chooses to abstain from sex, even if he has every opportunity not to do so.
So, by all means, become an attractive man. But save your time, energy and effort for the good woman that will accompany you through life.
What do you think about this? I know it’s a controversial topic for many, so interested to read your thoughts. Drop a comment and let me know!
Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this article, you’ll love my book.
Great post! I really appreciate how you emphasize the value of becoming an attractive man who voluntarily chooses to abstain from sex, even when given the opportunity for casual encounters. Drawing inspiration from your Book within the chapter on “The Myth of Harmlessness,” it’s clear that just as we are called to strength over weakness, we are also called to master our sexual desires.
The virtue lies not in being a sexless man who avoids sex because he cannot attract women, but in being a man who can attract women but chooses not to engage in sex. This choice reflects true strength and self-control, as it prevents us from being corrupted by the power that our desires can wield, much like the temptations of money, fame, or food.
As young men, we often risk misusing our energy and passion on the pursuit of women. Since my breakup in February 2024 with someone I dated for about a year, I’ve struggled with thoughts of her and the intimacy we shared. However, by consciously closing the door to Porn, Dating Apps, Social Media, Bars, and Nightclubs, I’ve focused on becoming the man God wants me to be.
This decision has allowed me to save money, invest in the stock market, property, personal training, and healthy eating. It’s given me the clarity to work on creative projects, physical development, business opportunities, and to strengthen my Catholic faith.
Choosing to remain chaste has freed my time and energy to focus on what truly matters: God, my mission, and my family.
My husband and I decided to be chaste when we first became involved romantically, and I remember the moment we both said at the same time by accident that we wanted a relationship “based on more.” It was completely normal in our friend group and the way we’d lived before finding Christ, and finding each other, to sleep around, and choosing to abstain was such a sanctifying process. Something that has saddened me every since is just how much Christians seem to blow off any concerns about fornication, which is a very serious and very easy sin in this day and age. Even cohabitation seems to rarely get a side glance. I think this is one of the dangers of getting too caught up in the culture war (and I’m an avid culture warrior, don’t get me wrong). It’s so easy to get outraged about drag queen story hour and furries and barely bat an eye at regular old heterosexual sin, but I always argue that it was normalizing birth control and then fornication that paved the way for the the predicament we find ourselves in today as a society.