Great post! I really appreciate how you emphasize the value of becoming an attractive man who voluntarily chooses to abstain from sex, even when given the opportunity for casual encounters. Drawing inspiration from your Book within the chapter on “The Myth of Harmlessness,” it’s clear that just as we are called to strength over weakness, we are also called to master our sexual desires.
The virtue lies not in being a sexless man who avoids sex because he cannot attract women, but in being a man who can attract women but chooses not to engage in sex. This choice reflects true strength and self-control, as it prevents us from being corrupted by the power that our desires can wield, much like the temptations of money, fame, or food.
As young men, we often risk misusing our energy and passion on the pursuit of women. Since my breakup in February 2024 with someone I dated for about a year, I’ve struggled with thoughts of her and the intimacy we shared. However, by consciously closing the door to Porn, Dating Apps, Social Media, Bars, and Nightclubs, I’ve focused on becoming the man God wants me to be.
This decision has allowed me to save money, invest in the stock market, property, personal training, and healthy eating. It’s given me the clarity to work on creative projects, physical development, business opportunities, and to strengthen my Catholic faith.
Choosing to remain chaste has freed my time and energy to focus on what truly matters: God, my mission, and my family.
Perfectly said brother and thank you for sharing your story. Something similar happened to me, and it's really freeing to put your focus where it should be. Ironically, what will end up happening is that you will naturally attract a good woman if you just focus on being a good man. Keep walking the righteous path and God bless you king!
My husband and I decided to be chaste when we first became involved romantically, and I remember the moment we both said at the same time by accident that we wanted a relationship “based on more.” It was completely normal in our friend group and the way we’d lived before finding Christ, and finding each other, to sleep around, and choosing to abstain was such a sanctifying process. Something that has saddened me every since is just how much Christians seem to blow off any concerns about fornication, which is a very serious and very easy sin in this day and age. Even cohabitation seems to rarely get a side glance. I think this is one of the dangers of getting too caught up in the culture war (and I’m an avid culture warrior, don’t get me wrong). It’s so easy to get outraged about drag queen story hour and furries and barely bat an eye at regular old heterosexual sin, but I always argue that it was normalizing birth control and then fornication that paved the way for the the predicament we find ourselves in today as a society.
It's crazy to me how many Christians see cohabitation as just a regular thing. Or how many also really, really believe that they follow Christ but then make an excuse for fornication. It's probably the most widely accepted sin even between Christians.
Thank you for your courage in writing this. This is much needed in our culture today. One thing I'll say is that prior to marrying my husband, I was promiscuous. Looking back, I wish I had focused on friendships, getting closer to God, developing myself through education, hobbies - anything but give my body to someone who really didn't care about me.
best post I’ve seen on this in a while. I particularly liked what you said about incels. Chastity is a virtue only bestowed upon those with a choice to use it. It simply is not a virtue if it’s not a choice. Most incels, if given the chance, would absolutely never practice it. Chastity is for the strongest of men.
Simple Man, thank you for this thoughtful writing on this needed-to-be-discussed subject. My own Substack is my core writings of how I did just the opposite as a young woman back in the 1970's. Boomers were awash in lies and huge pressure and I just about wrecked my life with lust in my youth. Now an Elder of nearly 72, I appreciate your message to young men especially. It is not easy to remain chaste until God guides you to a perfect marriage partner. I hope young people especially, can learn from my own disasters in the hell that was the sexual revolution of the 1960s and 1970s. So much sorrow I went through and so much that I created for myself by rebellion and wandering from God. Saved in my childhood, I lost both my Mother and one brother to sudden death in my teens. Both those events tore my spirit apart and I spent many sad years of rebellion. Fortunately, God did not abandon me but pursued me with His love and I finally came Home. It is my hope that my own writing of disastrous experiences, will help even one other person to avoid the snares I fell into. God bless you for what you are advocating here for young men. Wendy
Thank you for sharing your testimony Wendy, and I truly appreciate your support and kind words. May God bless you too and thank you for reading and supporting this project 🙏🏻
I think it's important to consider a third cultural pillar when it comes to sexual pressure on men, and that is the Church. At least in my own experience, chastity may be spoken of as a virtue, but marriage tends to be treated as a finish line with little to no guidance or guardrails before that point. I do not have empirical data for this, but it is my opinion that one reason a lof of youth leave Christianity is because they feel they are presented with two options when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex. Suppress what you are feeling and do nothing until reaching marriage or follow the ways of the world. It may be true that you can divert that energy to other things, but it can also be self-destructive to not learn how to relate to the opposite sex during the impressonable years of youth.
Generally speaking across my experience with several evangleical churches, there is near or complete silence on this which is bound to leave a lot of youth wondering what to do with themselves as they try to learn in isolation what it means to admire and love someone of the opposite sex and what is proper behavior. The good news is that there is guidance in the Bible, but I rarely recall people in a position of authority speaking effectively on this if it all, outside of promoting the value of virginity/chastity. This tells me that it is very likely, at least within my own life's sampleset, that this lack of leadership is likely generational, and the people leading youth don't have an idea about how to steer them either.
You make a valid point for sure. There is a lack of education on male-female dynamics within the church, which eventually leads many men to follow "red-pill" gurus and degenerate "dating and pick-up" coaches. There needs to be an effort within the Church and within Christian men to educate and teach men how to be more attractive, how to court a woman, etc .
Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share this! It’s beyond important! I’ll be sending it to my 24 year old son! It’s difficult to talk about these things to begin with, but at this age believes he knows all! Better to hear it from a man that’s walking through it, or has, than his 56 year old mom, even his dad because of the “in one ear and out the other” syndrome! Amazing how peers are listened to over parents!
Thank you for the kind words and support Joey! I hope the article resonates with your son. I was his age when I decided to pursue chastity so hopefully some of my arguments resonate with him. Here's another article that you can share with him: https://simplemen.substack.com/p/the-case-for-chastity
Great post! I really appreciate how you emphasize the value of becoming an attractive man who voluntarily chooses to abstain from sex, even when given the opportunity for casual encounters. Drawing inspiration from your Book within the chapter on “The Myth of Harmlessness,” it’s clear that just as we are called to strength over weakness, we are also called to master our sexual desires.
The virtue lies not in being a sexless man who avoids sex because he cannot attract women, but in being a man who can attract women but chooses not to engage in sex. This choice reflects true strength and self-control, as it prevents us from being corrupted by the power that our desires can wield, much like the temptations of money, fame, or food.
As young men, we often risk misusing our energy and passion on the pursuit of women. Since my breakup in February 2024 with someone I dated for about a year, I’ve struggled with thoughts of her and the intimacy we shared. However, by consciously closing the door to Porn, Dating Apps, Social Media, Bars, and Nightclubs, I’ve focused on becoming the man God wants me to be.
This decision has allowed me to save money, invest in the stock market, property, personal training, and healthy eating. It’s given me the clarity to work on creative projects, physical development, business opportunities, and to strengthen my Catholic faith.
Choosing to remain chaste has freed my time and energy to focus on what truly matters: God, my mission, and my family.
Perfectly said brother and thank you for sharing your story. Something similar happened to me, and it's really freeing to put your focus where it should be. Ironically, what will end up happening is that you will naturally attract a good woman if you just focus on being a good man. Keep walking the righteous path and God bless you king!
My husband and I decided to be chaste when we first became involved romantically, and I remember the moment we both said at the same time by accident that we wanted a relationship “based on more.” It was completely normal in our friend group and the way we’d lived before finding Christ, and finding each other, to sleep around, and choosing to abstain was such a sanctifying process. Something that has saddened me every since is just how much Christians seem to blow off any concerns about fornication, which is a very serious and very easy sin in this day and age. Even cohabitation seems to rarely get a side glance. I think this is one of the dangers of getting too caught up in the culture war (and I’m an avid culture warrior, don’t get me wrong). It’s so easy to get outraged about drag queen story hour and furries and barely bat an eye at regular old heterosexual sin, but I always argue that it was normalizing birth control and then fornication that paved the way for the the predicament we find ourselves in today as a society.
It's crazy to me how many Christians see cohabitation as just a regular thing. Or how many also really, really believe that they follow Christ but then make an excuse for fornication. It's probably the most widely accepted sin even between Christians.
Thank you for your courage in writing this. This is much needed in our culture today. One thing I'll say is that prior to marrying my husband, I was promiscuous. Looking back, I wish I had focused on friendships, getting closer to God, developing myself through education, hobbies - anything but give my body to someone who really didn't care about me.
100%. It was similar for me, but it's only after deciding to be chaste that we can look back and realize how wrong it was not to be chaste.
best post I’ve seen on this in a while. I particularly liked what you said about incels. Chastity is a virtue only bestowed upon those with a choice to use it. It simply is not a virtue if it’s not a choice. Most incels, if given the chance, would absolutely never practice it. Chastity is for the strongest of men.
Well said brother. Glad you enjoyed the article! Thank you for reading
Please teach this truth to every male.
I'll do my best 🙏🏻
I wish i wouldve heard this message from ANYBODY in my teens and 20s. All i got from culture and even family was the opposite message
I feel you brother. It was the same for me. But God's message is never early nor late, and everything comes to you at the perfect time. God bless you!
100%
It’s one of the devil’s most effective tools at bringing humans to self-destruction.
Thank God for Psalm 103:4, ‘He redeems my life from all destruction.’ 📖💪🏾
Absolutely, especially in this day and age.
Porn also corrupts your soul. It seems cleaner but you still leave a little bit of your soul behind each time you look.
100% it chips aways at it
Thank you for saying this. It applies to women as well as men.
Glad you liked the article Jennifer. And yes, absolutely, but I do think it’s mostly men who forget that chastity applies to them too.
Simple Man, thank you for this thoughtful writing on this needed-to-be-discussed subject. My own Substack is my core writings of how I did just the opposite as a young woman back in the 1970's. Boomers were awash in lies and huge pressure and I just about wrecked my life with lust in my youth. Now an Elder of nearly 72, I appreciate your message to young men especially. It is not easy to remain chaste until God guides you to a perfect marriage partner. I hope young people especially, can learn from my own disasters in the hell that was the sexual revolution of the 1960s and 1970s. So much sorrow I went through and so much that I created for myself by rebellion and wandering from God. Saved in my childhood, I lost both my Mother and one brother to sudden death in my teens. Both those events tore my spirit apart and I spent many sad years of rebellion. Fortunately, God did not abandon me but pursued me with His love and I finally came Home. It is my hope that my own writing of disastrous experiences, will help even one other person to avoid the snares I fell into. God bless you for what you are advocating here for young men. Wendy
Thank you for sharing your testimony Wendy, and I truly appreciate your support and kind words. May God bless you too and thank you for reading and supporting this project 🙏🏻
I think it's important to consider a third cultural pillar when it comes to sexual pressure on men, and that is the Church. At least in my own experience, chastity may be spoken of as a virtue, but marriage tends to be treated as a finish line with little to no guidance or guardrails before that point. I do not have empirical data for this, but it is my opinion that one reason a lof of youth leave Christianity is because they feel they are presented with two options when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex. Suppress what you are feeling and do nothing until reaching marriage or follow the ways of the world. It may be true that you can divert that energy to other things, but it can also be self-destructive to not learn how to relate to the opposite sex during the impressonable years of youth.
Generally speaking across my experience with several evangleical churches, there is near or complete silence on this which is bound to leave a lot of youth wondering what to do with themselves as they try to learn in isolation what it means to admire and love someone of the opposite sex and what is proper behavior. The good news is that there is guidance in the Bible, but I rarely recall people in a position of authority speaking effectively on this if it all, outside of promoting the value of virginity/chastity. This tells me that it is very likely, at least within my own life's sampleset, that this lack of leadership is likely generational, and the people leading youth don't have an idea about how to steer them either.
You make a valid point for sure. There is a lack of education on male-female dynamics within the church, which eventually leads many men to follow "red-pill" gurus and degenerate "dating and pick-up" coaches. There needs to be an effort within the Church and within Christian men to educate and teach men how to be more attractive, how to court a woman, etc .
Thank you for being vulnerable enough to share this! It’s beyond important! I’ll be sending it to my 24 year old son! It’s difficult to talk about these things to begin with, but at this age believes he knows all! Better to hear it from a man that’s walking through it, or has, than his 56 year old mom, even his dad because of the “in one ear and out the other” syndrome! Amazing how peers are listened to over parents!
Thank you for the kind words and support Joey! I hope the article resonates with your son. I was his age when I decided to pursue chastity so hopefully some of my arguments resonate with him. Here's another article that you can share with him: https://simplemen.substack.com/p/the-case-for-chastity
God bless you!
Bless you and thank you! 🙏🏻
Because it comes from deficiency of the need to find love.
Correct
Great read!
Glad you enjoyed it brother! God bless
My take is that casual sex empties one soul but not nearly as thoroughly as masturbation.
How come?
Sex with a stranger at least bears a semblance of connection to another human, rather than self-abuse into the void.
Lol not really, the vast majority of people are