Great post! I really appreciate how you emphasize the value of becoming an attractive man who voluntarily chooses to abstain from sex, even when given the opportunity for casual encounters. Drawing inspiration from your Book within the chapter on “The Myth of Harmlessness,” it’s clear that just as we are called to strength over weakness, we are also called to master our sexual desires.
The virtue lies not in being a sexless man who avoids sex because he cannot attract women, but in being a man who can attract women but chooses not to engage in sex. This choice reflects true strength and self-control, as it prevents us from being corrupted by the power that our desires can wield, much like the temptations of money, fame, or food.
As young men, we often risk misusing our energy and passion on the pursuit of women. Since my breakup in February 2024 with someone I dated for about a year, I’ve struggled with thoughts of her and the intimacy we shared. However, by consciously closing the door to Porn, Dating Apps, Social Media, Bars, and Nightclubs, I’ve focused on becoming the man God wants me to be.
This decision has allowed me to save money, invest in the stock market, property, personal training, and healthy eating. It’s given me the clarity to work on creative projects, physical development, business opportunities, and to strengthen my Catholic faith.
Choosing to remain chaste has freed my time and energy to focus on what truly matters: God, my mission, and my family.
Perfectly said brother and thank you for sharing your story. Something similar happened to me, and it's really freeing to put your focus where it should be. Ironically, what will end up happening is that you will naturally attract a good woman if you just focus on being a good man. Keep walking the righteous path and God bless you king!
I think it's important to consider a third cultural pillar when it comes to sexual pressure on men, and that is the Church. At least in my own experience, chastity may be spoken of as a virtue, but marriage tends to be treated as a finish line with little to no guidance or guardrails before that point. I do not have empirical data for this, but it is my opinion that one reason a lof of youth leave Christianity is because they feel they are presented with two options when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex. Suppress what you are feeling and do nothing until reaching marriage or follow the ways of the world. It may be true that you can divert that energy to other things, but it can also be self-destructive to not learn how to relate to the opposite sex during the impressonable years of youth.
Generally speaking across my experience with several evangleical churches, there is near or complete silence on this which is bound to leave a lot of youth wondering what to do with themselves as they try to learn in isolation what it means to admire and love someone of the opposite sex and what is proper behavior. The good news is that there is guidance in the Bible, but I rarely recall people in a position of authority speaking effectively on this if it all, outside of promoting the value of virginity/chastity. This tells me that it is very likely, at least within my own life's sampleset, that this lack of leadership is likely generational, and the people leading youth don't have an idea about how to steer them either.
You make a valid point for sure. There is a lack of education on male-female dynamics within the church, which eventually leads many men to follow "red-pill" gurus and degenerate "dating and pick-up" coaches. There needs to be an effort within the Church and within Christian men to educate and teach men how to be more attractive, how to court a woman, etc .
Great post! I really appreciate how you emphasize the value of becoming an attractive man who voluntarily chooses to abstain from sex, even when given the opportunity for casual encounters. Drawing inspiration from your Book within the chapter on “The Myth of Harmlessness,” it’s clear that just as we are called to strength over weakness, we are also called to master our sexual desires.
The virtue lies not in being a sexless man who avoids sex because he cannot attract women, but in being a man who can attract women but chooses not to engage in sex. This choice reflects true strength and self-control, as it prevents us from being corrupted by the power that our desires can wield, much like the temptations of money, fame, or food.
As young men, we often risk misusing our energy and passion on the pursuit of women. Since my breakup in February 2024 with someone I dated for about a year, I’ve struggled with thoughts of her and the intimacy we shared. However, by consciously closing the door to Porn, Dating Apps, Social Media, Bars, and Nightclubs, I’ve focused on becoming the man God wants me to be.
This decision has allowed me to save money, invest in the stock market, property, personal training, and healthy eating. It’s given me the clarity to work on creative projects, physical development, business opportunities, and to strengthen my Catholic faith.
Choosing to remain chaste has freed my time and energy to focus on what truly matters: God, my mission, and my family.
Perfectly said brother and thank you for sharing your story. Something similar happened to me, and it's really freeing to put your focus where it should be. Ironically, what will end up happening is that you will naturally attract a good woman if you just focus on being a good man. Keep walking the righteous path and God bless you king!
I think it's important to consider a third cultural pillar when it comes to sexual pressure on men, and that is the Church. At least in my own experience, chastity may be spoken of as a virtue, but marriage tends to be treated as a finish line with little to no guidance or guardrails before that point. I do not have empirical data for this, but it is my opinion that one reason a lof of youth leave Christianity is because they feel they are presented with two options when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex. Suppress what you are feeling and do nothing until reaching marriage or follow the ways of the world. It may be true that you can divert that energy to other things, but it can also be self-destructive to not learn how to relate to the opposite sex during the impressonable years of youth.
Generally speaking across my experience with several evangleical churches, there is near or complete silence on this which is bound to leave a lot of youth wondering what to do with themselves as they try to learn in isolation what it means to admire and love someone of the opposite sex and what is proper behavior. The good news is that there is guidance in the Bible, but I rarely recall people in a position of authority speaking effectively on this if it all, outside of promoting the value of virginity/chastity. This tells me that it is very likely, at least within my own life's sampleset, that this lack of leadership is likely generational, and the people leading youth don't have an idea about how to steer them either.
You make a valid point for sure. There is a lack of education on male-female dynamics within the church, which eventually leads many men to follow "red-pill" gurus and degenerate "dating and pick-up" coaches. There needs to be an effort within the Church and within Christian men to educate and teach men how to be more attractive, how to court a woman, etc .
I wish i wouldve heard this message from ANYBODY in my teens and 20s. All i got from culture and even family was the opposite message
I feel you brother. It was the same for me. But God's message is never early nor late, and everything comes to you at the perfect time. God bless you!
Great read!
Glad you enjoyed it brother! God bless
I wish I had read this post 40 years ago. Thanks for taking the time to post these comments. Very good.